Got a joke for ya!


Okay, so I got this great joke!

3 kids walk into a beer distributor.

They walk up to the checkout counter with three cases of


Clerk: Yeah, can I help you idiots?

Kid One: It’s cool dude. We have a consenting adult.

Clerck: ..and which one of you bozos is 21?

Kid two: He is!


Clerk: This is a joke right?

Kid Three: He’s three man….that’s 21 dog years!

This is legit man!

Clerk: Well, when rover here gets a state approved ID…then

you can buy these beers!

The kids take their dog outside.

Kid One: Dude, you think your Mom that works at the DMV

can get the dog an ID?

Kid Two: I dunno man! It’s worth a try!

The dog thinks “When somebody like me is the reasonable

adult, you can imagine what these clown’s parents are like!”

Dog: It’s been so long since I got food and water today, that if

they buy beer, I may as well

drink that! Somebody feed me

today please!!!!!”

Some kids never learn!


Written By: Ryan art Soliwoda

Completed On: 11/ 20 / 2019

This written work is copyright: Ryan Hart Soliwoda 2019

Trust me, you don’t want this apartment!

So, my writer’s group did a compilation thing where we all contributed chapters of a

theme book we were gonna submit to a publisher..

Seeing as it was Halloween at the time.

“THE APARTMENT FORM HELL!” was the theme.

Rats, scorpions, ghosts……this extremely low-rent apartment was cheap for a reason.

Sadly, our leader’s hard drive crashed and the stories were lost.



You now know all you need to enjoy this!

So enjoy….if you dare!!!







Ryan Hart Soliwoda




February 1st, 2018



Evening, 2:19 A.M.


Lieutenant Homer Thompson

And his protégé,

Laura Legs

Leave the most disgusting

apartment ever.


Laura Says


“I am gonna shower for

the next year nonstop.

That was the most horrific place

I have ever been!”


“Well, looks liken things just got worse.”


Said Lieutenant Thompson as he points

to the top of the building..


As they look up at the apartment, a giant red

monster appears from the roof. It seems

he exploded from the top of the roof!”




I am the DEVEEL!

Lord of the shadow creatures!


I will destroy your crops!

Mutilate your cattle!


…and poison your children’s minds

with mindless reality shows starring

brain-dead celebrities.




The monster roared!


Then, from the distance!


An elderly voice cried out!


“I don’t think so bitch!”



Cried out reverend Stinky from the local

chapter of the church of laterday saints.


As he yells, the truck of Holy water from

Henry’s Holy Supplies pulls up.




The men on the truck get the hose

Ready to fire the holy water.





The men on the truck

fire the holy water.


The local church goers pray for the

destruction of the DEVEEL!




The monster cried as he

sunk to the Hell beneath!


The apartment and it’s

Vermin go with him.


<Scene break.>


“Good evening, welcome to

Fox Ten O’clock news!”


I’m Mike Jackass.


Tonight, an insane catastrophe involving a

red monster terrorized the streets of Philadelphia tonight.


A group of local churchgoers, led by reverend

Stinky managed to send the creature

back where he came from.


Some people who were said to

live in the apartment

were found outside the building.


Their names are withheld for their privacy.



Mayor Numb nuts treated the apartment

dwellers and church goers.

to pizza and beer at Bristol Pike Lanes.


Well, that is it for us

at Fox Ten O’clock News.


I am Mike Jackass!


Good Night!”


Written By:


Ryan Hart Soliwoda


Completed On:


February 1st, 2018


The Deveel Character


Is copyright: Ryan Hart Soliwoda 2018 AND 2019 and beyond!!!!!


Why rest needs to happen every summer!!!!!!

What we all do on

Sunday in the summer!


Ryan Hart Soliwoda


Ahh, air conditioning!


The trees outside are all colors.


Brown, Asparagus and Green.


I just mowed the lawn.


It was hot as fuck outside today!


Just like all of this AND last summer!


But I sit here, in my

climate-controlled fortress.


Iced Tea in hand.


AVATAR, one of my favorite movies is on my TV.


My neighbor is watching a baseball game

and I tune in every so often to see the score.


Common Phillies, lets get another


parade this year in Center City you guys!


Less chaos this time okay Philly?


My cat looks at me and says


“Why do you even bother


going outside Daddy?”


I stay home!”


She says as I grown from all the


hard labor I did today.


Who the fuck said ALL yard labor was fun?


It’s only fun when the sun isn’t torching


you like a French Fry.


So today, I stay home.


Good times, do the same.


Stay home all day.


Like my cat.


Right Piper?


My little feline Daughter?


She looks at me and says “A-MEN!”


Written By: Ryan Hart Soliwoda

Completed On: 08/10/2019

This work is copyright: Ryan Hart Soliwoda 2019

Me sitting on my back porch and feeling inspired on May 15th, 2019!!!

So, I was sitting in my back yard with my notebook and sketchbook and some artist ballpoint pens. I drew these images of my yard and my neighbor’s yard.

Then, when inspiration stuck, I wrote this below!


Here ya go…..

Christos's Back Yard in Pen.jpgMy Back Yard in Pen.jpg

Serenity and Zen


A happy world made


in Heaven….on Earth!



Trees, stars, the wind


in your face.


A place of true Zen.


This is not Hell on Earth,


more like Heaven in Purgatory.


Also, why do the best and worst


places in the Universe start


with the same letter?




Heaven in the back yard is


the subject here.


Fear not, I am no Devil.


I am a nice man.


I do amazing things.


In fact, we all do if you


think about it.


But when we relax, how do we find or seek


out solace and relaxation?


How do we achieve Zen?


Why is so hard for so many


of us to achieve as people?


Alcohol serves as a cheap


Substitute to Zen for some.


Others find a good beer relaxing and


only have two in one night instead of 30.


We don’t all need to hallucinate.


What does it take to meditate?


To clear the mind, to ease the soul.


To have the yin and yang or peace


symbol hover above our mind.


Creating serenity and solitude


to achieve peace of mind.


Oh, sweet escape from


stress and high pain.


Work, school, eventually…


These things make us want to leave


and sit under a waterfall.


To feel solace and soulful


redemption for the day.


Because, sometimes the


day needs redeeming.


But not today,


Especially now, as I sit


on my porch.


Listening to the birds sing.


I feel as if I am not in a day of chaos.


Rather one of joyful solitude.


The wind blowing against me once again


as if by a beautiful mistress of nature.


I love it!


Serenity, Peace, Zen,


Welcome home y’all!


Come back soon!


Ya hear?



Written By: Ryan Hart Soliwoda


Completed On: May 15th, 2019


Copyright: Ryan Hart Soliwoda 2019

Hi Mommy! Remember Me?


Happy Mommie’s Day and


Happy Birthday!




Jonny Left Eye!



Hi Mommy!


This is Jonny Left Eye!


Remember me?


I first met you when Brother came to live


With me and Daddy after finishing


something called high School.


I don’t go to school.


What is this school?


…and why did brother and sister

go there for so long?


Anyway, I just wanted to say


that I love you.


I was always happy to see you when


you came to visit brother.


I loved how you petted me.


You were a good petter.


Now, I am up here with Daddy.


We go to the Karate School.


Every morning except weekends.


Whatever those are.


People pet me and I wrap my arms


around their ankles and wrestle.


I’m a Karate Kitty!!!!




I watch over Brother and his new cats.


They are so pretty and nice.


Wish I could play with them.


Some day.


…and remember Mommy.


You have to live a full life!


I will keep the Doggies busy when they come and visit.


They come every night you know.


The big Dog kisses my face and the little dog plays chase with me.


They are nice doggies.


Anyway, Happy Mommy’s Day and Happy Birthday!


I love yyyoooooouuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!




Jonny Left Eye


World’s Nicest Boy Cat!




Written By: Ryan Hart Soliwoda and Jonny Left Eye


Copyright: Ryan Hart Soliwoda 2019

Hi Mommy! Guess who this is?

Hi Mommy, it has been a while.


Starring Ewok.





Been a while hasn’t it?


I have not seen you except from


up here in more time


that I can keep track of.


I miss you and Daddy and the kids.


Thanks So Much for sending


Samantha up here.


I remember when you


brought her home.


She was so pretty.


…and nice too!


It did not take long for us to

become best friends.


Samantha became my world.


I still love her today.


I remember laying with her every


night with her in my arms


at your house.


I loved that cat.


Still do.


I used to miss when Daddy


would leave in his police truck.


I sort of wanted to go with but,


Since you were around,


I was cool with it.


You always made sure I was fed


and walked enough.


You made life worth living when

Daddy was at work.


Anyway, I wanted to say.


Happy Birthday and Mother’s Day!








World’s Greatest Police Dog!



Written By: Ryan Hart Soliwoda and Ewok


Copyright: Ryan Hart Soliwoda 2019

Why spaceships and super-suits are not in the cards right now for humanity!




Life, the new business plane.


Materials and minerals never

before seen…..


And lots of it to be sold!


How do we get there?


A spaceship?


An iron suit?


How do we become the Kings


And Queens of the cosmos?


To become billionaires off what has


Not yet been possessed by the human race.


Casinos and


Resorts on the moon.


A live events arena on mars!


We dream of being the first to host


a concert on Pluto!


But sometimes, we wake up

and look at what is around us….


…realizing we have not


even conquered this frontier as of yet.


So life that is the new frontier.


Space, we’ll get there, some day!


So lets go see what we can


do here on Earth!


Tomorrow, is the next step!


Lets go!



Written By: Ryan Hart Soliwoda


Completed On: 04 / 25 / 2019


Copyright: Ryan Hart Soliwoda 2019